"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" Greenday

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish some one up there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

I went to therapy today. It was amazing in an hour all that I managed to get out. I have still have a hard time talking about things. I guess it will never be easy.

My therapist had mentioned loneliness.

This is something I feel a lot but never put much stock into. I just always assumed I was just a social person by nature. The reality of it is that I have been so scared and felt alone in some traumatic situations that I can no longer stand to be alone. That I almost need someone to be there just so I don't feel alone. Because of this trait I have let some toxic people in my life.

This is something I am really going to have to focus on. Maybe it is better to be alone then to let a toxic person in my life that is going to end up hurting me in the end!

Just left my therapy session. Ughhh do I have a long road to go. I know in the end this will make me stronger but I really wish I had a magic wand to make it all better.

It's never good when your therapist says "we should meet 2-3 times a week.... we have a lot to work on"

I guess it is better to deal with it then just bury it all like I have done in the past!

Everything in my life is falling to pieces and I'm too broken to pick them up

"Broken" By Seether

I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
And I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Because I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Because I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore

My Best Friend

There comes a point in life when you meet someone and they alter your life. Sometimes it's that special person and sometimes it's a friend.

I had that friend. Till I destroyed that.

She was the most caring, fun loving, person I have ever met. She was always there for me even if it was to wipe the tears from my crying eyes. She was the calm in the storm I call my life. No matter how bad I felt I knew she was in my corner.

Like everything else in my life I destroyed that. Instead of treating her with the love and compassion she deserved I literally spat in her face. How could I do something like that? How could I hurt the one person I love unconditionally like that?

I wish I never drank, I wish I never did that. I wish I could absorb the pain I have inflicted on her. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could have my best friend back.

I know she thinks that night that is who I am as a person, but that is the furthest from the truth. I know in my heart I am a loving caring person who would do anything for her. I may never be able to make it up to her. All I can do is vow to never hurt anyone like that again.

I will always miss her and always strive to make her proud even if she is not in my life as a friend, but because she will always be in my heart!

Rock Bottom

It's been awhile since I have written.

I wish I could say I am in this happy place and everything has come along since my last post. Reality is, that it has not.

I have finally admitted to myself I have to deal with my problems. It is time to stop running but I am not sure I have the strength to deal with it.

This worked for years. Finally my rage has caught up to me. I can no longer control the pain and anger. Alcohol seems to release it stronger than ever. I have ended up hurting the few people I do love and care about.

Now here I am standing alone with broken pieces of life in my hands and I have no idea how to put them back together. People keep telling me everything is going to be ok. I just don't feel that way.

Have I slipped to far this time? Have I finally destroyed everything I love? How do I pick up the pieces and go from here?