Dad

So in therapy we have been focusing on my issues with my real Dad. I never realized the pent up anger I have for him.

My real Dad has tried contacting me recently. I have ignored the calls. I am so scared of him hurting me again.

How is this time going to be any different than the other 28 years??

The man has walked in and out of my life. He only tries to be a father to me when it is convenient to him. The man has not been there for one moment in my life. He was not at any of my sporting events. He was not there for any of my graduations. The mother fucker was not even there for me when I was raped. He was too busy getting high or drunk. The party always was more fun than being with his only daughter!!!! I can't even count how many times as a little girl I sat on the steps with my bags waiting for him to come pick me up for the weekend just to be let down by him not showing up.

Now the asshole wants to play Daddy? Is it too late? I don't know if I have the strength to forgive him again just to be let down once again!!!!

At least I know where my abandonment issues come from. I know in my heart I have to forgive him. I have to release the anger I feel for him. I know it's not healthy to have the anger bottled up. I just don't know if I can handle talking to him now!